


We're Not So Different

by janna333



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: M/M, beard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-13
Updated: 2012-04-12
Packaged: 2017-11-03 13:32:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/381857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janna333/pseuds/janna333
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his latest escape attempt from the Circle Tower, Anders is assigned a mentor - Enchanter Karl Thekla. Karl discovers a young man not unlike himself at that age, and Anders finds out that the enchanter with the sexy beard isn't all that bad, either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

When Karl first saw the boy he was to mentor, he saw in those young eyes a bit of himself when he was that age. Sixteen, defiant, reckless - and, above all, unwilling to let his determination to escape be waned by a mere two weeks in solitary confinement. He apparently had a reputation for foolish attempts at escape, this being his fourth attempt at it. Karl had only ever gone as far as harassing a few templars by replacing their lyrium potions with magically-dyed urine, among other pranks and mischief. Still, he was determined to be miserable about his teenaged years in the Circle and to escape that misery however he could. His methods of escape often involved sex, recreational herbs, and abusing templars. Never had he been so desperate as to try to  literally  escape, but Karl still felt as if he could somehow relate to this blonde-haired runaway. At the very least, he knew he had to try: he was chosen specifically by First Enchanter Irving for the job of mentoring him. 

Of all the enchanters in the tower, Karl had no idea why Irving chose him in particular. He wasn’t particularly strict with his apprentices, nor had he ever mentored before. Why give him such a hopeless case when he was new at this? Karl was sure he would leave the kid even more screwed up than the poor lad likely was in the first place. Still, it was his duty, and so it was with a shrug and a resigned sigh that Karl at last introduced himself to the young man with whom he would be spending so much quality time.

“Um, hello there. Karl Thekla.  Enchanter Karl Thekla. Nice to meet you, uh, what was your name again? Sorry, I don’t believe I-”

“Anders.”

Karl offered his hand for the young blonde to shake, but Anders merely kept his arms crossed in front of him as he glared at his new mentor. 

“Erm, well then, Anders, please have a seat. I’ve been informed of your proclivity for... how shall I put it? Taking unauthorized jaunts outside the tower? Is that correct?” Karl said with a bit of a smirk.

Anders merely glared at the enchanter, then said, “I suppose you could put it that way, yes. Listen, I know Irving’s put you up to this, and if you really don’t  want to waste your time on me, we could just not and tell him we did, hm? How’s that sound?”

_Wow, this kid sure doesn’t mince words, does he?_ Karl couldn’t help but thinking. _I think I like that._

“Listen, Anders, I want to help you. You seem like a very, um, nice young man and all and I’d rather not see anything bad happen to you should you attempt another little stroll outside, okay?”

“Oh, like you’d really care. Nobody in this damn tower actually cares about me, so quit pretending. Now, if we’re finished, I’d like to return to my dorm and sleep in what passes for a proper bed around here since I’ve been sleeping on a dungeon floor for two weeks. Thank you, Enchanter, Ser,” Anders stated quickly and abruptly as he stood, turned around, and left their meeting with a brisk stride and his head held high.

Karl rubbed his temples as he felt a slight tension headache coming on. He knew this was going to be hard, but he hadn’t ever imagined it would be this difficult. Anders acted strong, and he indeed must be to have come out of two weeks in solitary in such excellent shape, but Karl would tell something was wrong with him. Obviously, something would have to be wrong with anyone who would try, and fail, to escape a tower built in the middle of a gigantic lake  four times and still look as determined as ever to try it again. Still, he had an inkling that whatever it was, it would require him to get closer to the lanky blonde teen before he’d ever find out.

It was a challenge the good enchanter decided he might as well take on with a little enthusiasm, anyway. If not for Anders’ sake, then for his own, anyway.

 


	2. Chapter Two

Anders drug his feet into the enchanters’ offices again the following day, and upon making his way to his mentor’s desk, he slumped down on the seat. Oh, how he  loathed  this song-and-dance Irving made them play. It was a waste of his time and a waste of Enchanter Thekla’s time, not that he cared all that much. Enchanter Thekla seemed nice enough, though Anders couldn’t really tell yet whether or not he liked the man. He looked to be in his thirties, and he had an amazing beard, that was for sure. Honestly, Anders was a bit jealous of the man’s beard. He imagined most men were - it was a magnificent specimen of masculine facial hair, if ever there was one. The hairs were a deep brown in color and looked so soft and lustrous, as if he spent an entire hour every day combing it so every hair was precisely in place.

“Ah, Anders, sorry to keep you waiting. I got a little behind with my class this afternoon,” Enchanter Thekla apologized as he approached his desk. Anders hadn’t waited long, and as he sat waiting for the enchanter to approach he’d been trying to figure out how the enchanter managed that magnificent beard, wondering to himself if there wasn’t some facial hair-growth spell the older man had mastered. If so, Anders might take this whole situation as an opportunity to eventually wheedle his mentor’s secret from him. 

“It’s alright, I wasn’t waiting long,” Anders replied honestly. “What course do you teach, if I may ask?”

“Oh, this term they’ve got me teaching advanced herbalism. I was a bit surprised, actually, as I haven’t been an enchanter for all that long and it is an advanced class, but I must have impressed somebody, you know?” The older man spoke a little quickly and gave a nervous laugh. “So! Would you like something to drink? Tea, perhaps? Or, um, water? Whatever you’d like.”

Why is he nervous? What, did I really scare him yesterday with my bad mood? Anders couldn’t help but wonder. He had been particularly surly to the enchanter yesterday during their first meeting, and now the man was trying so hard to make Anders comfortable that he was feeling a touch guilty.

“No, thanks, I’m fine. And... I’m sorry, about yesterday. I didn’t mean to be so, well, rude. Again, I know you’re no more thrilled about this than I am-”

“Anders, listen. It’s not that I don’t want to mentor you. I just, well, I honestly haven’t the slightest clue why Irving chose me for the job. I’ve never mentored anyone, and I’m not really sure how to go about it. Unless you need help with your herbalism homework, I’m very good at that.”

Anders gave a little smile at that. He could actually use a little help in his intermediate herbalism class, what with three weeks worth of lessons to make up for - one week on the run and two weeks in the dungeons equalled a total of three weeks of missed classes that he was still expected to finish class work for. It was also very kind of Enchanter Thekla to even offer such a thing, as Anders was sure that Irving meant for the enchanter to keep Anders out of trouble, not to keep his studies up.

“Thank you, Enchanter Thekla, I’d really appreciate that,” Anders actually looked his mentor in the eye for the first time, rather than simply staring down at the desk or looking at his well-groomed beard. He had kind eyes, with a bit of a sparkle on top of their deep brown color. There was something about this man that Anders found rather comforting.

“Please, call me Karl. It makes me feel old to be ‘Enchanter Thekla’ and I’m not that much older than- okay, scratch that, I keep forgetting that I just turned thirty. So I am that much older than you. Damn.”

Anders tried not to laugh. He really did. He couldn’t help it, though, and a chuckle broke through whatever surly demeanor he’d been trying to project. He never would have thought that his serious-looking, magnificently-bearded enchanter-mentor could make him genuinely laugh. Very few people could these days, so it was a feat to be impressed by.

“Ah, there we go, I knew I could get you to stop scowling there eventually! Now, I’ll see you the same time tomorrow, alright? And bring your herbalism work with you and we’ll take a look at it together,” Karl told him as he gave Anders a firm pat on the back.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, after all.


	3. Chapter Three

After a week of meetings with Anders, Karl was finally feeling as if he was getting to know the boy. Well, perhaps ‘boy’ wasn’t the best term - ‘young man’ was much more appropriate, really, as Karl felt like Anders was rather mature for his age. He certainly was mature physically, something Karl couldn’t help but notice. Try as he might, he could not help but notice how handsome the blonde teenager was. As soon as such a thought entered his mind, he would immediately banish it and replace the offending thought with something more appropriate, such as, “You nasty lecher, he is sixteen years old, for Andraste’s sake!”

  
Beyond his physical appearance, Karl noticed that Anders was incredibly clever. He caught up in his missed classes without too much difficulty, showing far more talent than Karl ever had at that age.  Plus, he was apparently one of Senior Enchanter Wynne’s top students in spirit healing, and impressing Wynne was not a feat to be taken lightly. Try as Karl might to point out to Anders that he was, in fact, quite talented, the young man would simply scoff and remark that his abilities in healing were something he was “simply born with”, not anything he worked hard at, and therefore unremarkable. Still, Karl knew it was this talent - whether it be innate or trained - that had saved Anders’ life, because few mages would still be allowed to live after four escape attempts unless they were considered to be valuable. Perhaps Anders knew this as well, and it was for this reason that he resented his skills. Karl couldn’t be sure.

Karl also began to note that, while Anders appeared to be outwardly very social with his peers, he had no true friends. Whenever Karl saw Anders outside of their time together, he was more often than not alone or with a different group of people than the last time he saw him. He never mentioned a friend or a girlfriend (or boyfriend, for that matter) when they spoke, and when Karl asked if he had a friend who could help him with his entropy homework he simply shrugged and replied, “It’s okay, I’ll handle it on my own.”

It was with this new-found knowledge that Karl finally decided he was going to get Anders to open up to him a little bit. It was a task he was wholly unsure as to how he would accomplish, but he felt it was best if he was honest from the start. There was no use in skirting the issue as to why they were in this arrangement, after all.  


“So, Anders,” Karl began as they sat down in the library together, finding it more comfortable than the enchanters’ office and easier for studying should they choose to do so. “I’d like to ask you something, if you don’t mind.”

“I didn’t do it.”

“Uh, excuse me?”

“I didn’t do it. Whatever it is you’re about to accuse me of, I didn’t do it,” Anders flatly replied.

“No, I, uh, I wasn’t going to accuse you of anything. Maker, you sound exactly like me when I was- oh, there I go again making myself sound old-”

“You’re not old. I’m just young,” Anders stated with a knowing smirk.

“Oh, don’t give me that... Anyway, Anders, I wanted to ask you about your, well, your escapes,” Karl said, lowering his voice on the word ‘escapes’ to make it as gentle as possible.

“Want to know how I did it, huh? Well, sorry, but you can’t come with me next time. It only works if I do it spontaneously, you see, and I can’t afford to bring anoth-”

“No, Anders, no! Absolutely not!”

“Why not?” Anders had a mischievous gleam in his eye as he looked right at Karl. “Don’t you want to be free of this prison? Don’t you want to taste the fresh air, feel the-”

“Anders, stop. Just stop, right now. I wanted to know why you did it. I’m trying to... to understand you better, that’s all,” Karl turned his gaze away from the young man in front of him. That devious, mischievous, incredibly good-looking and far-too-young man in front of him was no longer smirking. He was no longer looking at Karl, but instead turned his gaze to the floor. He opened his mouth as if to speak, took a breath, then closed his mouth suddenly and let his shoulders slump.

“I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have asked,” Karl apologized as he placed a hand on Anders’ arm and gave it a squeeze. He wanted to comfort this poor soul who was obviously so tortured by the confines of the Circle. Karl had learned to live with it. He’d hardly known anything else.

“I was twelve when the templars came for me,” Anders told him in a voice so soft it was barely louder than a whisper, answering the question on Karl’s mind as if he knew exactly what the older man was going to ask. “So, unlike most kids, I actually remember my life before being caged here. I actually remember what it’s like to be free, to have a life besides this. It wasn’t a great life. My family were just farmers, but I was able to run in the fields when I wanted. There were animals, even farm cats I could chase around the yard all day, and I could swim in the pond...” Anders’ face formed an expression Karl could only describe as wistful, perhaps nostalgic, as he recalled his former life. Just as soon as the expression appeared, though, it vanished with the young man’s next thought.   


“My father was strict, but at least I knew my mother’s love. Here, nobody loves me. Here, I can’t run anywhere without being beaten for it! And I refuse to sit back and allow myself to simply forget how beautiful the world is beyond these cold walls, Karl. I refuse to forget what it feels like to be held and to be loved.”

Anders looked directly into Karl’s eyes with his own tear-stained ones. Karl wanted nothing more than to wipe those tears away, to dry those beautiful amber eyes that were so full of passion. Never in his life had Karl met a mage so full of determination and drive, one who refused to allow the Circle to break him. How could anyone find it ethical to keep such a beautiful creature caged? Can’t they see that he needs to be freed? Karl couldn’t dry those eyes, though. It wasn’t his place - he was a mentor, and he had to maintain his distance. All he could do for Anders was pull a small handkerchief from his pocket and hand it to the brilliant young man before him.   
“Go get some rest, Anders, and I will see you tomorrow.”

 


	4. Chapter Four

Anders should have known better, or so he thought. He should have known that Karl wouldn’t understand him. How could these people? Nearly all of them were brought to the Circle when they were five, six, and seven years old, and many of them couldn’t even remember their mothers. He hadn’t met a single one who could remember what grass felt like under their toes, or even another mage who knew how to swim! Most of them were afraid of the outdoors and avoided it like it was some kind of demon. The templars had caged them here, and even those that weren’t yet Tranquil were damn near close enough in his book. 

Even Karl, it seemed to Anders, was just like all the rest. During their first week together, Anders thought that maybe, there was the slightest chance that this man was different. He certainly had a sense of humor, which was a rare thing in this blighted tower, indeed. He actually confided in Anders about his exploits as an apprentice, when he was infamous for having stolen the undergarments of an elderly female senior enchanter and “dressed” one of those old statues in the Great Hall. He also told Anders about the incident that landed him in solitary for two weeks involving urine, a simple blue dye, and the exchanging of a templar’s vial of lyrium for said dyed piss. Anders nearly fell off his chair, he laughed so hard after hearing that. Certainly half the library was staring at him as he chuckled himself silly, but he couldn’t help himself! He wished he’d thought of something so wonderfully wicked!

And yet, here Anders found himself in his bunk, avoiding the very man he so admired just twenty-four hours ago. Karl obviously had no love for his life in the Circle back in those days, but he must have, as Irving would put it, “mellowed out” a bit as he got older. Anders now knew exactly why Irving had paired the two of them - he was hoping Anders would turn out the same way. The old man viewed Anders as just another Karl - a reckless scamp who would eventually grow out of his misbehaving ways and conform to life in the Circle as long as he had some proper guidance. Ha! Little did the wrinkled old prune know that  he was different.  He  was Anders, not Karl. Although he had to admit, he still wished he could have Karl’s beard. It was a very sexy beard, there was no doubt about it.

Anders gave a resigned sigh, turned over onto his stomach, and tried to cover his head with his pillow to drown out the light and sound around him. He just wanted to be alone, but that was next to impossible around here. This was the best he could do, and even then, he still could sense that there were people all around him studying, walking, talking, tapping him on the shoulder-

Wait.

“Go away,” Anders grunted, hoping that he was audible through the pillow. The fact that he hadn’t let his head up, though, should have been a clear signal to whoever was bothering him that he wanted to be left alone. Of course, it wasn’t - the tap at his shoulder came once again, and with an annoyed growl Anders lifted the pillow just enough to see who would dare interrupt his “privacy”.

“Hey there, are you feeling alright?” Karl, of all the people in the whole damned tower, had come to check on him. Anders wanted to smack him upside his handsomely-bearded head and tell him to never speak to him again, but knowing he’d get in trouble for such behavior, he decided against it.

“Fine. Just want to be alone.”

“Anders, I’m sorry about yesterday, I shouldn’t have-”

“It’s okay. I’m fine. Now leave me so I can be alone,” Anders snapped, clipping each sentence off to show his complete and utter annoyance in hopes that it make the man disappear.

“Well, you’ll never be alone in here, if privacy’s what you’re looking for. Come here, let me show you something,” Karl said as he offered Anders a hand up. He wasn’t sure why he agreed, but somehow Anders found himself placing his hand in Karl’s and following him down the corridor despite his earlier annoyance. Even though he still felt that Karl would never really understand him, he still couldn’t help but feel strangely comfortable in his presence. He was just so kind and caring, not to mention easy on the eyes. Oh, that beard!

Karl lead Anders down a quiet hallway and they stopped before a small door. He looked over his shoulder, and having seen that nobody else was around, opened the door for Anders. It was an unremarkable supply closet, but there was the slightest bit of floor space, perhaps enough so that two people could comfortably enter. Anders looked somewhat suspiciously at Karl, but he simply smiled and showed the younger man into the closet.

As they sat down, Karl threw up a small spell wisp, giving them just enough light to see each other. It was actually a little too small for two grown men, but Anders didn’t mind sitting close to Karl, their arms and legs touching. Again, he just felt so safe with this man, and when he looked up at Karl and smiled, he received a gentle smile in return.

“How could you, of all the people in this tower, not have discovered these little closets yet?” Karl said with a chuckle.

“I was always looking for ways to get  out , not ways to keep myself further in, I suppose. How did you find them?” Anders asked, curiosity now piqued.

“Oh, it’s a sort of right of passage... You hear about them from friends whenever you want private time with a girl. Or boy, I suppose,” Karl nervously chuckled about that last bit, and once again Anders was curious.

“So did you?”

“Did I what?”

“Fuck someone in one of these closets?” Anders wasn’t going to beat around the bush about it like Karl. He wasn’t shy about these things, not that he had personal experience... yet.

“Oh, uh, well, yes. Where else are you going to do it when you’re an apprentice and you have no privacy?” Karl answered a bit nervously.

“True enough. So, which was it, girl or boy?”

Anders knew he was probably getting a little too personal with his mentor, but he couldn’t help himself. Perhaps it was his teenaged tendencies urging him on, or maybe it was simply being so close to that luscious beard, but Anders found himself dying to know if this sexy older man would ever be interested in him the way he found himself suddenly very interested in Karl.  I never thought I’d say, or think, this, but thank the Maker for robes right now. And dim light, too. 

“Ah, ehm, well... both, to tell the truth- Wait a second, why am I telling you this? Why are we discussing my sex life?” Karl said in mock anger - it was obviously not the real thing, because the grin on his face was much too large. Anders countered with a goofy grin all his own, and likely a bit of a blush.

“Probably because my sex life is nonexistent, and it sounds to me like yours is far more interesting! So, both, huh? I’ll bet having your own room now in the enchanters’ quarters makes such encounters much-”

“Would you stop it!” Karl gave Anders a light shove as he laughed. Anders was sure he could see a bit of a blush forming on the older man’s face, even in the dim light. “Okay, so, here’s the steamy truth - I slept around a lot when I was an apprentice, but as I got older I got busier and started taking joy in things other than just fucking whoever was available. Now, well, I haven’t really been with anyone in a number of months. So! Let’s get ourselves off the topic of my sex life before-”

“How come?” Anders, once again, couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t understand how this kind, caring man with the sparkling eyes and the perfect beard could  not  have someone. It simply made no sense.

“How come... what?”

“How come you don’t have anyone now? How is that possible? I mean, look at you! Seriously, Karl, you must see that beard every morning in the mirror. It is perfection. How can you not be getting some when you have that perfect specimen of manliness on your face?” 

Karl looked at Anders strangely, like he wasn’t completely sure what he just heard.  Uh oh... Did I just say the wrong thing? Oh, Maker’s balls, please don’t tell me I fucked this up,  Anders thought. Then, Karl looked down, as if he were trying to decide what to say. Anders wasn’t going to let his big mouth make Karl feel bad, not when he’d done so much to cheer Anders up.

“Karl, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend or anything-”

“Anders, no, it’s just... I shouldn’t have brought you here, it’s not appropriate. I’m your mentor, for the Maker’s sake, I-”

As Karl began to stand up, Anders grabbed his hand and pulled him back down. After he was seated again, though, Anders didn’t let go of his hand. Instead, he looked straight at Karl and said, “I don’t care what Irving assigned you to do, Karl. I’d rather think of you as my friend than my mentor, if that’s alright. Would you... let me?”

Karl hesitated for a moment, then replied, “Yes, of course Anders, of course we’re friends. I mean, I know I’m older and everything but-”

“Shut up, Karl. I don’t care that you’re older. I just... I haven’t got any other friends here, alright? I’ve never felt safe around anyone else. So please, allow me this,” Anders said, and as he did so he pulled his friend into a hug. Karl stiffened in his arms at first, but soon he relaxed and wrapped his arms around his young friend, returning the hug in kind.


	5. Chapter Five

Karl didn’t know what to do with himself. When he returned to his quarters that evening after seeing Anders back to his dormitory, he couldn’t get the young man out of his mind.  I shouldn’t be thinking these thoughts. I’m his mentor, and I’m his friend. I will not let him down, he tried reassuring himself. Still, it did no good. As Karl lay in his bed staring at the ceiling, all he can think of is how he wants nothing more than to kiss those full, pink lips, to run his fingers through that beautiful golden blonde hair. Oh, and how beyond blissful it would feel to have those smooth, healer’s hands on his-

“Ugh, no! I can’t, I won’t!” Karl threw his pillow over his face and tried to think of something,  anything but Anders. Still, the thoughts came. The thoughts weren’t always sexual, either; oftentimes, he simply wished to hold the younger man and allow him to feel comforted, to feel loved. Oh, how Karl wished he could give Anders such a thing. He deserved it so. Of all the people Karl had met in his life, Anders was the one he felt was the most deserving of being loved. Though he was young, he was simply so full of passion and life that you couldn’t help but be drawn in by him. You couldn’t help but like him. 

Still, this was the Circle, and as much as Karl hated to admit it, Anders was right. Life here was not as full nor as rich as it would ever be out in the rest of the world, and one of those things stripped away from their lives was the ability to love. Mages cannot grow to attached to one another. It’s an unwritten rule, but a rule nonetheless - grow too fond and that fondness will be found out. The templars will find out, and they will separate you. They will send you away to another Circle, and it will only mean heartbreak. So, instead of love, they have quick fucks in closets behind the templars’ backs. They make do with what they have.

With a sigh, Karl got up and pulled an old book off his shelf. He’d never get these thoughts out of his head in order to sleep without some sort of aid, and so he fell asleep with his face in a book and his mind in the clouds. He may also have had a hard-on, but he never would have admitted it.   
  
-   
  
When the morning came, Karl knew something was amiss. He received word from a senior enchanter that his class for the day was to be cancelled and that he was to meet in First Enchanter Irving’s office that afternoon. He couldn’t help but be nervous - why else would the first enchanter ask to see him but to discuss Anders? It was with a bit of shock that Karl entered the first enchanter’s office that strange afternoon to find Anders sitting at a chair in front of Irving’s desk. The way he held himself, though, seemed a bit off by Karl’s eye.  Oh, Anders... What did you do?

“Enchanter Thekla, thank you for joining us.” First Enchanter Irving slowly greeted Karl, then slowly offered him a seat next to Anders and slowly sat himself back down. Karl couldn’t help but feel that perhaps it was time for him to retire, but he figured that as long as the man got his job done, no matter how long it took him, there was no need for it yet.

“Good afternoon, First Enchanter. Might I ask what the problem is?”   


“Oh, there’s no problem at all! Good news, in fact! Anders has passed his Harrowing,” Irving declared with a touch of pride in his voice   


“Really Anders? That’s excellent! I’m very happy for-”   


“You knew!” Anders screamed, his reddened eyes looking at Karl for the first time since he entered the room. Karl thought he felt his heart skip a beat. Anders’ hair was disheveled, free from its usual tie that held it back, and he looked like he hadn’t slept. Dark rings had formed underneath his eyes, marring his once flawless complexion.    


“Anders, you know I couldn’t have told you, even if I wanted to,” Karl pleaded, hoping Anders would understand. He was simply shocked right now. Facing a demon is not easy for anyone, let alone someone so young. It was surprising - and a bit disturbing - that they took him so early.   


“You knew, and you didn’t tell me, you didn’t even prepare me for, for  that ! And you think it’s okay, don’t you? You think it’s just fine that they throw us at a demon and cut us down if we’re not ready yet?” Anders began to tear up again, and Karl didn’t care anymore that Irving was in the room. He reached out and rubbed Anders’ back, trying to reassure him the best he could.   


He ended up with an armful of Anders.   


The first enchanter discreetly - albeit slowly - left the room, and Karl held tight to his sobbing friend. Anders had buried his face into Karl’s shoulder and latched his arms around the man’s waist, and, not knowing how else to comfort him, Karl simply did what came naturally.   


“Shhhh... It’s okay, I’m here, Anders. I’m so sorry this happened to you so soon, I never would have thought... Shhh, it’ll be alright, it’s over now,” Karl cooed gently into the young man’s ear as he stroked his silky blonde hair. It was so soft, and Anders smelled so wonderful - better than Karl imagined he smelled at that age, for sure, though he couldn’t accurately describe the smell other than to say he smelled like  Anders . It felt so good to finally be able to hold and to comfort him. It felt... right. As if this was where he needed to be in this moment, and this was who he needed to be there for. That warm feeling of comfort washed over Karl, and soon enough he couldn’t help but rest his cheek on the top of Anders’ head. Anders soon stopped crying, but he held tightly onto Karl, as if letting go would cause him to break. Karl brought his arms tightly around Anders and returned the embrace.   


Perhaps the feeling was mutual.


	6. Chapter Six

His beard is on my head. Andraste’s holy twatmuffins, Karl’s beard is on MY head,  Anders gleefully cheered to himself, sniffling his tears back as he realized this wonderful turn of events that had just occurred. One moment he was breaking down in front of his best friend (the fact that he even had a friend was still a shock that hadn’t worn off), yelling at the older man in front of the first enchanter, of all people. The next, he was being held by those strong, comforting arms, his face buried in Karl’s shoulder as he let free all his fears and frustrations. Oh, and how wonderful Karl smelled! He was most certainly an herbalist - his robes held a mixture of scents ranging from elfroot to spindleweed, and... cilantro? Yes, there was even a bit of cilantro mixed in there, too. He willed himself not to smile if only so that Karl wouldn’t know his young friend was feeling at all better and remove himself from the embrace.

Anders wanted to savor this moment, for it was the first time in years anyone had ever held him in their arms to comfort him. The last time he could remember such a thing was the moment when the templars physically pulled him from his mother’s arms. They grasped his hair and yanked him away from his mother’s warm embrace; he screamed in pain, and she let go in shock. His father held her back when she tried to reach out for him again, but when she managed to pull herself free and approach the templars and her son, one of them hit her with the back of his hand, gauntlet and all. Anders barely knew what a templar was before that day. Now, he hated them with the burning fires of a thousand dwarven forges. 

  


Eventually, Karl did lift his head and he pulled himself away from Anders slightly so he could look the newly-minted mage in the eye. His eyes were still red and puffy, but they were no longer weeping tears. Anders looked up to see a kind smile staring back at him, and he couldn’t help himself: he smiled back. It wasn’t much of a smile, but it was something he could give Karl in thanks for all that he’d given. At the very least, Anders wanted Karl to know he’d helped. Just how much he’d helped, though, he probably couldn’t even imagine.  


“Anders, you need to get some sleep, okay? You look exhausted. The first enchanter gave you your new room assignment in the mages’ quarters, right?” Karl asked, his hand still gently rubbing Anders’ back. Anders only nodded in reply, afraid of what his voice sounded like right now, what with his throat all gummed up with phlegm. “Good. Let’s get you down there, then. Your things should already be there, and I know you’re going to like it. Semi-privacy, at last!”

Once again, Anders found himself laughing and smiling even when he meant not to. How does this man do that? Anders pondered, in awe of Karl’s ability to say the right things at precisely the right times in order to crack through his shell and pry a smile and a laugh out of him. The two of them stood, and Anders followed a few steps behind Karl down the twisting corridors of the tower and up two flights of stairs until they reached what would be his new room in the mages’ quarters.

While it wasn’t a completely closed off, private room like the enchanters had, it was a major step up from Anders’ bottom bunk in the dormitory. The mages each had a sectioned off private area with a bed, desk, and bookshelf of their own, separated by heavy cloth screens. Anders was especially fortunate, as his little “room” was on the very end of the row, so he had just one neighbor and a wall on the opposite side. On his new bed were a neat stack of new mage robes, and all of his belongings had been placed on the desk. He had very little - his books and parchment for classes, a toothbrush, a hair brush, and a small embroidered pillow.

“Everything’s here, I take it?” Karl asked him, and Anders simply nodded in return. His mentor’s eyes gazed quickly over the desk and Anders’ meagre belongings, and of course, one happened to catch his eye. “Oh, this looks comfy! It should be on the bed, I take it?” Karl gently held the pillow and motioned towards the bed.

Anders grasped the pillow from his hands. “Yes! I mean... Of course, it’s a pillow, it goes on the bed,” Anders trailed off, embarrassed that his first reaction was to snap at his friend and clutch tightly to this little thing. It was the one thing that was truly his, the one physical memory of his mother they hadn’t yet ripped away from him, and to see it in the hands of another was difficult, considering what had happened to him already today. He didn’t need to be reminded  anymore of that loss for this twenty-four hour period.

Karl, naturally, gave him that look that said I know there’s something you’re not telling me, so it was with a sigh that Anders moved the mage robes to the end of the bed and motioned for Karl to sit next to him there. Anders sat on the edge of the bed, hugging his little pillow as if it were the most precious thing in all of Thedas, and he knew as Karl sat next to him - though not too closely - that he looked concerned.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. I just... I’m still a bit shocked from earlier, with the Harrowing. I mean, it’s bad enough that they do it in the first place. Seriously, what sort of hypocritical blood magic are they using to pull that off anyway, summoning demons to attack us like that?”

“You know, I never thought about that. But Anders, I know that isn’t why you’re so upset,” Karl reminded him.

“You’re right. I’m upset because I know why they did it. Why they took me so early, I mean. When I came out, Irving even told me that they hadn’t expected me to survive. The damned knight commander decided that since I’d escaped so often that I must think I know well enough how to resist demonic temptation on my own without their help, so there was no more point in waiting. It was an excuse, just because they didn’t want to bother with me anymore,”

“Anders...”

“I’m not done! Karl, they knew exactly how to break me. They summoned a desire demon, and it... It showed me freedom, Karl. It showed me a life with a real home again, with my mother again. I had the grass between my toes, the wind in my hair. It promised...” Anders stopped, choked up with tears, unable to continue. He was afraid of what Karl would think, what he would say, to this final bit. He had to say it, though. Karl had to know what Anders had desired. He couldn’t keep it in any longer.

“Anders, it’s okay, you can tell me. I promise I won’t tell anyone,” Karl softly spoke as he wrapped an arm around Anders’ trembling shoulders.

“It promised that you could come with me. That we could be free... together.”

Anders broke down again. He hated himself for it. He hated himself for being so weak, for looking so young in front of Karl. He must think I’m such a fool, such a child. Much to his surprise, though, Karl placed his hands on Anders’ shoulders and turned the young man to face him. He slowly lifted his right hand from Anders’ shoulder and, ever-so gently, brought it to a tear-soaked cheek. He wiped away Anders’ tears, looking into his eyes the whole time. 

“Anders... You are stronger than you will ever know. Stronger than I am, I think. I know I would never have been able to do what you did at your age. In fact, I don’t even know if I could have done it at my age. To have lived as you have, to be forced like that... and, well, I wish we could be free together, too. I really do. You... shouldn’t be locked up here, Anders.”

As Karl spoke, he drew Anders in closer and their foreheads touched. Anders brought his arms around Karl’s waist, and they sat together in silence. Neither of them wanted to ruin this moment. It was what they both needed, and words would only ruin it.

Words still needed to be spoken, though, so it was Anders who broke the silence.

“Do you really mean that? That you would...”

“Yes, Anders. I do. I might be a foolish old man-”

“You are not old! Maker, Karl, you act like thirty means you’ve already got one foot in the grave,” Anders pulled away slightly in order to give Karl a disapproving look.

“Yes, well, you’re so, well, young! People naturally think, you know, certain things when an older man is with a younger, erm, person,”

“Karl, do you think I have ever given two shits about what people in this tower think of me? And from the sounds of it, you were once the same way, am I right?” Anders said, the determination in his voice now returned and the fire in his eyes back to its usual brightness.

“Very true, I suppose. So... what are you, uh-”

Anders was done messing around. He brought his hands to Karl’s face, and with that absolutely sumptuous beard underneath his palms, he pressed his lips to Karl’s and gave him the best damned kiss he knew how.


	7. Chapter Seven

Karl knew Anders had likely not kissed many other people, so he was shocked to discover how naturally good the young man was. Not that he was perfect, however; Karl still felt the need to take control once the initial shock of the event had worn off. He brought a hand up to rest at the back of Anders’ neck, his fingers entangled in that soft blonde hair he’d dreamed of. When Anders opened his mouth slightly to admit Karl’s tongue, he knew there was no going back now. He didn’t care anymore about how old they were, about being a mentor, whether or not someone might see them; all that mattered was how wonderful it felt to at last be kissing this beautiful, passionate man. Anders was, after all, a man, not a boy. He wasn’t even an apprentice anymore, but a full-fledged mage.

When at last their lips parted, the two men couldn’t help but give each other the biggest grins their mouths could manage. Anders eyes were alight with passion, his cheeks reddened not with tears but with the blush that accompanies a fantastic kiss. Karl brushed a few loose strands of the younger man’s silky hair back behind his ear, then placed a chaste kiss on that blushing cheek.

“Anders, as much as I’d love to continue this, you still need to rest. You’ve had a difficult day and your body’s got to be exhausted,” Karl told Anders, trying to give him a concerned look. He was concerned for Anders, what with all he’d gone through, and the past day had been a tempest of emotions that left him looking weary even if his mood was much improved.

“I-I’m not sure if I can sleep,” Anders hesitantly uttered, shyly looking away from Karl’s gaze now. “I tried earlier, actually, but I just couldn’t get everything out of my head. Maybe if, I don’t know... Perhaps if you, I don’t know, stayed with me?”

Karl let out a sigh, but followed it up with a chuckle and a smile. “Oh, sweet Anders, I wish I could stay here, but we’ve already risked being seen together enough.” The young mage’s smiling face suddenly dimmed at that. Karl couldn’t- no, he wouldn’t leave Anders like this. Thinking quickly, he added, “I could probably sneak you into my room, though. Would that be alright?”

It made Karl’s heart leap with joy to see Anders’ face transform so suddenly from dejection to utter elation at the mere suggestion of coming to his room. He wanted nothing more than to make Anders happy, especially now, at this moment. He stood from the bed and held his hand out for his blonde companion. Anders took it eagerly, and together (with Anders a few steps behind Karl, so as to not arouse too much suspicion) they made their way down the long corridor and around the corner to the enchanters’ quarters.

Karl opened the door to his tiny room, discreetly looked both ways - and, when he saw no templars about (the other enchanters wouldn’t inquire into his business, thank the Maker), he and Anders slipped inside. The room wasn’t any larger than what Anders had, but it was a room, not simply a partitioned area of a larger space. Karl lit a few candles with a wave of his hand, so they wouldn’t be in total darkness as he had no windows. At last, with four solid walls around them, they could relax. 

Anders must have had something other than relaxing in mind, however; as soon as Karl turned around to look at him, the young man nearly lunged at him, kissing him fiercely. While Karl enjoyed the attention and affection, and he returned the kiss with a near-equal amount of ferocity, he pulled away after a moment. He wasn’t about to let Anders forget why they were here.

“Anders, what happened to relaxing? Napping? I know you’re excited, dear, but I don’t want you getting ill,” Karl chided his young more-than-just-a-friend while resting a hand on his smooth cheek.

“I know, I just- I can’t help it! But you are right, I am really tired,” Anders said, making his way to Karl’s neatly-made bed. “...We can cuddle though, right?”

“Well of course! That was the plan, silly,” Karl chuckled as he slid under the covers next to Anders. Lying on his back, he wrapped his arm around the young mage’s thin body, and Anders rested his head on Karl’s broad chest. It felt so natural, simply lying there with Anders, his blonde hair shining golden from the candlelight. Karl had never been one to cuddle with anybody before. He’d never really cared enough. His usual policy was to get his pleasure and be done with it, but that was not at all what he wanted from Anders. He didn’t really want anything from Anders. He wanted to give to Anders, instead. He wanted to protect the young mage from all those who would hurt him, including the young man himself. Anders was so hard on himself, and Karl wanted to be there to remind him of how brilliant he truly was. It was astonishing to Karl that he couldn’t see it for himself; though if he could, then he wouldn’t be Anders - he’d be some stuck-up prick, most likely. Still, for all of his strength, Anders was sensitive. He could still break, and Karl wanted to be the one to keep him from falling, or to pick up the pieces if he did.

Anders drifted off to the Fade soon after his head rested down on Karl’s chest, and as Karl lie awake watching him, he made a promise: he may not be able to give Anders the love he deserved, but he sure as the Void would care for him until death - or the templars - tore them apart.


End file.
